Shame is one of the most powerful and isolating emotions a person can experience. It creates a deep sense of unworthiness, often leading individuals to believe that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, offers a transformative approach to working through shame by helping clients understand and engage with their internal protective parts.
The Role of Protective Parts: Managers and Firefighters
IFS teaches that our psyche is made up of different subpersonalities or "parts," each with its own role and purpose (similar to a family system, hence the name). Two key protective parts—Managers and Firefighters—work to shield the vulnerable, wounded parts of us that carry deep pain, including shame.
- Managers: These parts strive to prevent pain by maintaining control, ensuring productivity, and seeking approval from others. A manager might manifest as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-criticism, all in an effort to keep shame at bay.
- Firefighters: When painful emotions, such as shame, break through, Firefighters react impulsively to extinguish them. This can manifest in behaviors like substance use, binge-eating, or numbing through distractions. While these strategies provide temporary relief, they often reinforce the cycle of shame.
Making Shame More Accessible Through Parts Work
One of the most profound insights of IFS is that shame itself is not an identity but a burden carried by a wounded part. By recognizing how Managers and Firefighters attempt to protect us, clients can begin to see their behaviors not as personal flaws but as survival strategies. This realization creates self-compassion, making it easier to access and heal the vulnerable parts burdened with shame.
The Car Analogy: Letting the Higher Self Take the Wheel
One way I like to help clients understand their internal system is through the car analogy:
Imagine your protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) as passengers in your car. These protective parts often attempt to take control of the steering wheel. Ever lashed out and said something you regret? Or failed to uphold a boundary? We’ve all been there…and that’s a good indication that one of your protective parts is at the wheel. These parts often believe they must drive the car to keep you safe.
The goal of IFS is to help the Self—the calm, compassionate core of who you are—take back the driver’s seat. When the Self leads, protective parts can relax, and healing can take place.
The car analogy can be helpful in identifying who’s in control and how the whole family system can offer directions and guidance while our highest Self gets to decide where to go and how to best get there.
The Path to Healing
Healing shame through IFS involves building relationships with protective parts, understanding their positive intentions, and reassuring them that it’s safe to release their extreme roles. As the Self gains leadership, the burdened parts can finally receive the care and attention they need, leading to deep, lasting healing.
Conclusion
By reframing shame as a burden carried by a wounded part, rather than an inherent flaw, IFS empowers clients to approach their inner world with curiosity and compassion. Through working with protective parts, individuals can access their vulnerable selves with newfound acceptance, leading to true healing and transformation.