I like lists. I like them because I feel accomplished when I check them off. I like them because for whatever reason as I inch towards 40, my memory isn’t that great. I like them because I feel like my childhood trained me to like them. I like them until they seem impossible
Sometimes it seems like the more I check off, the more I put on the list, the more that I know will drop off the list, the more I know that some things didn’t even make the list, the more I wonder how other people do it, the more I wonder if I can ever feel like I’ve gotten ahead, the more guilt I feel, the more comparison I feel….the more I want to give up…the more I strengthen my ‘not good enough’ internal voice.
Anyone else with me?
Don’t stop reading if you read that last paragraph and thought…”if she thinks she isn’t getting enough done, then I’m a total failure.” This is the art of comparison and why we all feel so small, inadequate, and like failures most of the time. You still with me….
The more I put on the list, the more that I know will drop off the list, the more I know that some things didn’t even make the list
For some of us that are expert list makers….Have you ever put things on the list that you just recently accomplished to let yourself know that you actually are worthy of your own self-respect…you did accomplish something. I’m bummed out considering how much I do this and why.
I can’t proclaim expert status on this stuff….I’m just recently attempting to explore the why behind the actions, beliefs, world views that I hold that might lend themselves to wanting to tick off a checklist to understand my self-worth.
The 2 Steps:
Rule #1: Throw away the idea that you will ever get to the end of the list. Don’t just feel bad about this as if you are throwing in the towel. Use the list as a guideline for the day and not as a self-accomplishment mirror. Use the list to organize, not define self worth.
New Idea: Write a list of why you are enough. Be brave enough to share the list with 1 trusted person.
My Personal Application: I need the reminders and organization of putting things into list format, I need to examine spaces in my life where self-judgment and self-trust erode my process.
I’m just recently attempting to explore the why behind the actions, beliefs, world views that I hold that might lend themselves to wanting to tick off a checklist to understand my self-worth.
Rule #2: Remind yourself daily that the tasks you complete do not define you. The love that you share, the presence that you bring to an interaction, the kindness that you extend to those that you encounter, the integrity that you insist upon, the faith that you lean on, the compassion that you grow in your family…You being you…Living by your values…This is what defines you.
New Idea: Write a list about how you know you are enough. Figure out what matters and attempt to figure out what gets in the way. Then give yourself the grace to sort through how to be in this space when you are not.
My Personal Application: Take a hot second. I know my strengths and values and even still, I can still get consumed with achieving and finding my worth through societal’s standards. I struggle to find my own way and allow myself the grace to fail. I know that I can run a million miles an hour, think that my life is doomed in a second, want my dreams to happen now, work like I will get an Olympic medal at the end of it, get bored easily, and forget where I even put my to-do. list. This is not a self-depreciation list. These are all things that I have started to appreciate about myself. This is who I am. I am willing to keep making lists and not let them define me.
I kept this list as a 2 part list, not because I think that there are simple solutions, but really because we have the solutions inside us yet so many messages - both internal and external- get in the way....what if we did it different even for a day?
What do you think?