The Truth About Loving YourselfThere is nobody in the world that knows you better than yourself, and this is the foundation for how you can and should love yourself when you are in the middle of a big life change and feeling as if the world is judging you.
Despite any worldview, the choices that you make in life should always agree with your values and goals, with a measure of self-kindness and care added in, and this means you are never a failure, even though the world may judge you as having failed.
The world may not be aligned with your personal beliefs, but the choices that you make do not require the acceptance of others.
Your job is to love yourself despite what others may think.
How do you do that? Let us first look at the benefits of loving yourself, and then we will unpack how to love yourself despite opposition.
Benefits of Self-Love
Self-love involves a commitment to love yourself despite any social obstacles that you believe are in your path.
Loving yourself is not selfish. Self-love is necessary to live a happy life.
You experience freedom in life when you release yourself from doubt, self-hate, or any inhibition that holds you back from self-care. Self-love releases you to grow and enjoy your life.
How to Love Yourself Even When the World is Judging You
Life happens. Life changes. We cannot control everything about our lives, and we make mistakes despite our best efforts. Forgiving ourselves is key to learning and growing from any mistake, but that can be hampered by the opinion of others—if we let it!
A friend of mine is going through a divorce.
When she went to family and friends, her support system seemed to crash. There were no words of ‘We have your back,’ instead, she heard, ‘How can you dare divorce such a nice man? He is good looking, kind, and look at what he has done for you.
How can you possibly break up your marriage when you have it made!’ She feels the sting of immense judgment by not only her family but the outlying community as well. Even though she knows that she must make the right decision to protect her current and future self, she finds it difficult to forge through her growing feelings of ‘I’ve made a mistake and now I am paying for it.’ Rather than loving herself, she is beating herself up.
This is a painful position for my friend (or anyone) to be in, but when we are amid a major life change, and we make life-altering decisions despite what the world thinks, it can feel disheartening. It is imperative, however, to stick with our truth and to love ourselves unconditionally!
Love yourself by living true to yourself. Love yourself by making yourself the priority. Trust the process. It looks like this:
Only one opinion matters, yours.
Only you know the unequivocal truth about you. You know the ins and outs of your life. You know your core values. You own your personal beliefs. You give every decision your undeniable best. You may want input from others, but ultimately, your life decisions should be based on your reality, and not the opinions of others, and with this comes strength and self-acceptance.
Avoid being your worst self-doubter and critic.
You may fervently disagree with others who deem you wrong, but you may also fall into the trap of being your own self-critic. Love yourself by being mindful of your thoughts—especially your doubts and self-criticism.
Ask yourself, are my thoughts valid? Weigh your thoughts against what you truly believe and value in life. If you need to make a change or correction, then do so. If not, accept your decisions and stick with them. This will help you to stop focusing on what others think about you and you will shift to more positive thoughts.
Let go of perfectionism.
Trying to please others is a part of perfectionism. It also involves the need to keep others happy, or to be liked and approved of by others, and sometimes at the expense of your own beliefs and life choices.
There is no such thing as proving yourself perfect to others, it is impossible. Life constantly changes, and nobody is perfect. To let go of perfectionism, you must develop the mindset to trust yourself in knowing that you are a good person with the confidence to do what is right based on your personal beliefs and core values.
Own your personal feelings.
People cannot get inside your mind and ‘make’ you feel anything. Other people may judge you. But you only fall victim to the judging opinions of others if you allow them to change you or your thoughts. Do not allow the beliefs, thoughts, or opinions of others to define you. Stick with your convictions.
Related: Shame and Judgement are Inseparable
Celebrate your choices.
Celebrate your choices and the milestones that come with them. This is the total opposite of beating yourself up! The more pats on the back you give yourself, the stronger you are in making personal decisions despite what the world may think.
Let’s look at the outcome of my friend’s dilemma.
She is in the middle of a huge life change, divorce. She has now put one foot in front of the other and is celebrating her mental self-care. She stopped beating herself up when she realized that the opinions of others did not matter.
She accepted that others could not make her feel shame and pain for her decisions unless she allowed it. All of which strengthened her to think more positive thoughts. She learned to love herself by accepting who she is (designed from the deeply rooted values by which she lives her life) and embracing imperfection all the way.
Continue Practicing Loving Yourself
We all need a support system in life, someone that listens to us without judging, but we also need ourselves to be ‘the head’ of our support system. We must always allow ourselves self-love.
The more we practice self-love throughout life’s ever-changing circumstances, the more we grow foundationally and experience freedom from doubt and self-criticism.
That is what we want for you!
Here at the Family Guidance & Therapy Center, we believe that each one of us deserves to give ourselves the same amount of love that we give everyone wholeheartedly.
While it can be hard for us to forgive ourselves and treat ourselves better, it's always good to have the company of those who constantly uplift us and believe that we can achieve everything great such as self love.
Please reach out and let's see how we can help. You are not alone. Call, text, or make an appointment online today.